Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
