your parents love me but you hate me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
