that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The uberlube is also flammable
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
