how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
