'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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