You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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