"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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