I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
