I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
