I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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