I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
