This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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