Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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