After last night, I could never be a politician.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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