Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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