omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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