A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
