marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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