I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
