the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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