i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
