So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
