Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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