there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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