You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
