sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
