i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
