Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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