Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
