a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
