Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
