So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
