I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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