Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
