All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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