you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
