stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize