so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
