The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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