Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
