The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
