There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
