She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
