haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
