I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about my life...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
