Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
