omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
