Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
