So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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