How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
someone owes me an orgasm
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
