Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
