She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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