we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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