hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
