very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no you cant smoke seaweed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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