That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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