Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
