I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
