She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
