thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
