I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize