someone get that fucking seahorse.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
