im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
