Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
