So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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