I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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