I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
