Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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