My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
