ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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